"absence makes the heart grow fonder"
it seems as though so many people i know tell themselves this to soothe the pain. it becomes a mantra, repeated every ten minutes, to push away the urge... to call, to text, to fight. it becomes the only hope for a broken heart, that someday they will finally realize the empty void in their lives is us.
i believe that absence makes the heart forget.
it goes in steps...
just like this:
absence makes the heart forget the good.
when we first lose the one we loved we're angry. angry because it's easier to be angry than it is to be sad. angry because when you're angry at least you can still function,
i caught you enveloped in a hustling pattern somewhere near college & state
my stomach did a back flip and landed somewhere near my knees,
climbed back up my spare ribs & folded itself neatly back between arteries.
i imagine presenting my heart to you, wrapped in ribbons & bows;
& you, with your cautious fingers, speculating an unresponsive muscle.
this was my gift for you, after dry heaves & obtuse paragraphs;
all i could draft was a cheap body & a mangled engine.
i can't imagine you welcoming such a disaster with open arms.
let me turn the dial to a brighter light; illuminate this time last year,
when i was unbalanced & you were un
she says, 'i have a lot to say - a lot to say.'
she has pendulums & needles balanced perfect on a palate;
this is the excess being scraped from pavement,
the noise being deduced to inanimate entities.
all because an artery ruptured and screamed 'i do not want to be this anymore'
i offered her my spare bandages & she said, 'no thanks, i am not hungry.'
& we transmitted our dilemmas back & forth for the next few hours.
'i only suffer part-time, starve full-time' she stated,
as if convincing herself.
i suppose there are a brief few moments when they numbers halt lower that affirm this theory.
there are stampedes coursing through my veins
i cannot imagine me, ten years from now
still the hostile antagonist, battling without weapons
this is me, missing exits and ditch-diving for safety
i pulled over because the future is too vague.
this is the past, emerging out of pores & vacancies
the soft-spot caving in.
i have memorized the route to the washroom and back
i suppose this is the only path i really need to clear.
i have not felt a skeleton like this for years,
and a voice is telling me this is the only way.
this is the sound of my vertebrae snapping under pressure,
the sound my cerebellum makes when the curtains closed;
i am not a fan of hurricanes.
and i would like to tell you i prefer to be stirred, not shaken;
but your lack of tableware imposes and i am left no choice.
i flood these tumblers with remorse and regret; cycling this bitter drink through a conditioned liver.
and i can feel my eyelids droop in preparation for the production;
i am paralyzed on concrete steps, tending to a creaking spinal cord.
proof enough that i have spent far too many nights under sleeping bags awaiting your re-entrance.
the relentless wind is howling through my eardrums, brushing dust away from padlocked memory boxes.
i can hear the reels unfurling, projecting scenes
"absence makes the heart grow fonder"
it seems as though so many people i know tell themselves this to soothe the pain. it becomes a mantra, repeated every ten minutes, to push away the urge... to call, to text, to fight. it becomes the only hope for a broken heart, that someday they will finally realize the empty void in their lives is us.
i believe that absence makes the heart forget.
it goes in steps...
just like this:
absence makes the heart forget the good.
when we first lose the one we loved we're angry. angry because it's easier to be angry than it is to be sad. angry because when you're angry at least you can still function,
Didn't you see me? I was standing so close by...
It was an emergency, and yet, you closed your eyes
I've been here for so long, and yet no one seems to care
Somehow they can act as if I wasn't even there
Well, if you hear me, won't you please give me a sign?
It's happening so fast now, I haven't got much time
I need your assistance, I'm about to lose control
I don't understand, but I thought maybe you would know
Now, if someone asks me what I thought I saw
Won't they be inclined to think I violate some law?
If only you'd back me up, I think they'd understand
But, remember the consequences before you raise your hand
Will you be my
What a year, huh? We had our fun, took our knocks, and symbolically it all begins again. At least some of us have defined steps to follow. Not everyone has a path to follow. A direction. I would never say conform, but there are certain currents you should maneuver and certain waves you can't ignore. I'm the last to give advice, just warnings. Maybe my downfall is that in being who I am, I'm less aware of all else. We do seem to make the same mistakes. I guess we all have "programs" we need to "get with." Hey, my philosophy is: Do what you want and try not to hurt anybody who gets in the way. Yes, dumb.
He weeps the tears that fail to fall
From eyes that never weep
He dreams the dreams of red-eyed men
Who never go to sleep
When righteous wrong is wrong done right
He fades, unfollowed, into night
Within the folds of Stygian cloak
Unseen the light he keeps
When reckless grows the rising man
Encysted in the stone
And to the winds, blow where they may
Is inhibition thrown
When lovers' eyes are raging fires
And soft caress a living wire
But even lovers' flames have died
He takes the night train home
His love is now a sunken skull
Reflected on the rocks
But, love is twisted in the mind
Ruled by paradox
A mirror image, was his f
I left a note on your dashboard
Stating all that I'm sorry for
And as if leaving all the signs ignored
I left it signed, "Forever Yours..."
Well she must've been something else
'Cause I'm stuck here with nothing left
And although I'm the one missing out
You should see me smile now
Then again, sometimes I wonder
Just why I'm not feeling under
'Cause although I know you love her
Sometimes I wish something other
I wish you'd let me in
Let me feel like I'm whole again
Let me in on what I'm missing
Let me know if you're listening
Well she must've been something else
And I'm here with nothing left
And now I'm the one missing out
Loving you is nothing compared to a dying candle. - Naeem Pasha
No, only if you stay. I take words
as gift now only from those who look
like orbiting. I have grown stone
in my chest, flowerpots, azaleas,
and if you look like having too much
gravity, I'll take no syllables then either.
*
Loving you is nothing. I could do it
in my sleep, and have, then wake to
another man, and still remember you were
better in my chest. Leaving you is easy -
I follow the mothers who leave
for the sake of themselves, to keep their sides
from splitting with love's fair children.
But coming back - oh for the coming back -
for the paths gou
He weeps the tears that fail to fall
From eyes that never weep
He dreams the dreams of red-eyed men
Who never go to sleep
When righteous wrong is wrong done right
He fades, unfollowed, into night
Within the folds of Stygian cloak
Unseen the light he keeps
When reckless grows the rising man
Encysted in the stone
And to the winds, blow where they may
Is inhibition thrown
When lovers' eyes are raging fires
And soft caress a living wire
But even lovers' flames have died
He takes the night train home
His love is now a sunken skull
Reflected on the rocks
But, love is twisted in the mind
Ruled by paradox
A mirror image, was his f
i have to put my dog dog today.
befitting that i made that deviation in january about him dying soon.
not to mention one of my best friends died a year ago today as well.
"when winter comes next year i'll be holding on to anything nailed down"
i'm going to be a mess today.
You said my rough drafts left calluses on your skin
so I spent hours writing and revising, sifting through pronouns and adjectives
And all I ever wanted was for you to read my love story;
The recap of a lonely girl, perfectly incapable of being in a relationship.
I left them in your mailbox the night you locked me out,
With a map to an empty apartment;
I had hopes you would occupy and we could waste our days together.
Was is that hard to find the constellations I left behind for you?
I peeled the stars from my eyes when they started getting dull.
I thought you'd like to see them before they burnt out.
I stutter-stepped to your bay w
on the ribs. hurt like hell, not gonna lie.
it isn't quite done yet. i have to go back in sometime within the next week and a half to get the bottom filled in. i don't think it'll hurt as bad cause it won't be directly on the ribs. got them done because i hit the 40 pounds lost mark. when i get to 60 pounds lost i'll hit up the other side. cost me $200 to get this side done. i figure another $200 for the other side and i have no fucking clue how much my back is going to cost because i'm not entirely sure how i wanna do the back now. i'm getting new ideas all the time. nothing set in stone, but for sure this will be continued on the