i have to put my dog dog today.
befitting that i made that deviation in january about him dying soon.

not to mention one of my best friends died a year ago today as well.

"when winter comes next year i'll be holding on to anything nailed down"


i'm going to be a mess today.

You said my rough drafts left calluses on your skin
so I spent hours writing and revising, sifting through pronouns and adjectives
And all I ever wanted was for you to read my love story;
The recap of a lonely girl, perfectly incapable of being in a relationship.
I left them in your mailbox the night you locked me out,
With a map to an empty apartment;
I had hopes you would occupy and we could waste our days together.
Was is that hard to find the constellations I left behind for you?
I peeled the stars from my eyes when they started getting dull.
I thought you'd like to see them before they burnt out.
I stutter-stepped to your bay window and peered through the curtains.
Tell me who she was and if she did it better.
Because I promise, love, you'll regret this.
I swear I'll make you wish things were different.



i will.



i'm ready, i am.

on the ribs. hurt like hell, not gonna lie.
it isn't quite done yet. i have to go back in sometime within the next week and a half to get the bottom filled in. i don't think it'll hurt as bad cause it won't be directly on the ribs. got them done because i hit the 40 pounds lost mark. when i get to 60 pounds lost i'll hit up the other side. cost me $200 to get this side done. i figure another $200 for the other side and i have no fucking clue how much my back is going to cost because i'm not entirely sure how i wanna do the back now. i'm getting new ideas all the time. nothing set in stone, but for sure this will be continued on the other side.

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and for those of you who didn't see my TWLOHA tattoos on my wrists...

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its easier if you go look at them on my myspace here

i fucking love it and i don't care what people say about it being dumb.

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p.s. my mood won't let me change, so i'm not really sad right now. unless you count my sadness that my arms are going to stick to everything because of the 'tattoo goo'...ugh.

so i started working at L&M tonight and everything was going fine until my dad called.
remember that deviation about my best friend dying soon?
well, my dog has been acting funny and he went to the vet because he's just been getting worse. come to find out, he's got 11 or so kidney stones stuck in his urethra that they can't remove.
so now they're going to do surgery tomorrow and massage them back into his bladder and remove them and then move his urethra, well, just move it.

he's thirteen and dad says he might not make it through it.

i don't think he will.
perhaps a coincidence that i posted that collage?
i don't know, but i feel horrible.
i didn't even know he was sick, and he's been pissing me off and i've been neglecting him? i feel like the worst person ever.